Touching

How perfect is it to follow an article on kissing than with its predecessor – touching?

A thank you to Scott Patterson’s ezine article “How to Touch a Woman and Get Her Excited,” which arrived in my inbox today and got me thinking…

Touching, regardless of whether it’s a means to an end or simply an end in and of itself, is vital to our very survival. Science has proven that babies in the very early weeks of life need to be touched in order to form appropriate attachment bonds thanks to the result of Harry Harlow’s study of Rhesus monkey’s way back in the ‘50s, which demonstrated how when baby monkey’s were deprived of touch, they suffered emotionally and even exhibited antisocial behavior.

Based upon my own experience, touching and being touched is one of the great joys in my life. Every morning I wake my little boy for school by touching his face, stroking his hands and rubbing his back. When he first opens his eyes and returns that touch to my face, I simply melt. Even with my older son, whose job it is to separate from me, I make sure to touch his face, pat his back or at least tap an arm once a day and when I get a hug in return, my day is made.

So the idea of touch progression intrigues me. It reminds me of behavioral systematic desensitization therapy, which exposes a phobic person to his or her fear systematically in order to become desensitized and therefore less fearful.

The idea behind this model is to touch “safely” with increasing levels of risk to then touch “sexually,” allowing the intended person to slowly get comfortable with you, create sexual tension and ultimately gear up for the big pay-off of intimacy and sex – though not necessarily in that order.:)

The author created a "touching ladder" to follow as a step-by-step guideline. And while this article was geared toward men, I believe it works in any relationship, at least in the early stages. Not only could you use this system to get someone in bed, but you could use it to put the other person at ease with you, encourage the other person to see your point of view or persuade the other person to give you whatever it is that you want, just by using touch.

Starting with low risk touch to high risk touch, the steps are as follows.
Caution: Do not proceed until you are sure she, in this case, is comfortable.

Touch her arm
Touch her leg
Touch her medium risk areas (forearms, shoulders, knee, or wrist)
Hold her hand
Put your arms around her
Have her sit on your lap (not advised for men)
Touch her more intimate areas (face, chest, neck and inner thighs)

Think of this model as creating sexual tension as well as sexual acceptance, which as a writer, I’m all over.

In practical terms, use this system in a two-steps-forward, one-step-back effort, meaning you should pull back after advancing to make sure that s/he is still comfortable with you. Be the first to break contact and if the other party is enjoying it, s/he will find a way to get you to reinitiate the touching – otherwise known as creating sexual tension – the romance writer’s best friend.