Drinks for Women and Men - Funny

Before you order a drink in public you should read this. Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could define a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

WOMAN DRINKS AND WHO THEY ARE.

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with my friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is..this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

MAN DRINKS & WHO THEY ARE

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's queer.

Great Shows Scheduled at the Miramar Cultural Center

The exciting season continues at the beautiful Miramar Cultural Center with Holiday shows, Family Shows, Ballet, Opera, Chinese Acrobats and a Broadway Revival, plus Pop Art: an exhibition at the Ansin Family Art Gallery.

Ballet Etudes of South Florida proudly presents its 36th anniversary performance of "The Nutcracker" with international guest stars and a cast of over 100 dancers. The magical production features lavish sets and scenery, colorful costuming, exquisite lighting, superb choreography, and delightful theatrical effects. Ballet Etudes' Nutcracker production is under the direction of Artistic Director Susana Prieto. Friday - Sunday December 17, 18 and 19, 2010 at 3 p.m. except for additional performance Saturday at 8 p.m.*Ticket prices for all performances are $40 and $50 with Gala patron VIP seating available for the Saturday performance at 8 p.m. for $75.

The Dance Theatre of Harlem, celebrating their 42nd Anniversary, is bringing the leading dance institution of unparalleled global acclaim to perform at the Miramar Cultural Center for one performance only. Friday, February 11, 2011at 8 p.m.*Tickets: $25, $30 $35.

Five-time Tony Award Winner, including for BEST MUSICAL, THE MUSIC MAN follows fast-talking traveling salesman Harold Hill as he cons the people of River City, Iowa, into buying musical instruments and uniforms for a boy's band he vows to organize - despite the fact he doesn't know a trombone from a treble clef! His plans to skip town with the cash are foiled when he falls for Marian, the town librarian. Chaos ensues as the townsfolk get wind of his scheme. Filled with classical musical fun, tender romance and favorites, including "Ya Got Trouble," "Seventy-Six Trombones," "Goodnight My Someone," "Gary, Indiana" and "Till There Was You," THE MUSIC MAN is the perfect All-American Musical! Saturday February 12, 2011 at 8 p.m. *Tickets $25, $30, $35.

Opera International brings three beloved operas to the luxurious Miramar Cultural Center accompanied by the Russian National Symphony, beginning with Lucia Di Lammermoor. In a feud between the Scottish families of Ravenswood and Lammermoor, Enrico (Lord Henry Ashton of Lammermoor) has gained the upper hand over Edgardo (Edgar of Ravenswood), killing his kinsmen and taking over the estate. By the time of the opera’s action, however, Enrico’s fortunes have begun to wane. In political disfavor, he stakes all on uniting his family with that of Arturo (Lord Arthur Bucklaw), whom he means to force his sister, Lucia (Lucy Ashton), to marry. Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 8 p.m. *Tickets $40 and $45.

Turandot is the story of the conversion of an ice princess through the power of love, placed in ancient Peking, provides the essential elements for grand opera – passion, dramatic tension, an exotic locale. Puccini gifts us with one glorious aria and ensemble after another. Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 8 p.m. *Tickets $40 and $45.

Madama Butterfly opens in Japan in the early 20th Century. On a flowering terrace above Nagasaki harbor, U.S. Navy Lieutenant B.F. Pinkerton inspects the house he has leased from a marriage broker, Goro, who has just procured him three geishas and a wife, Cio-Cio-San, known as Madama Butterfly. Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 8 p.m. *Tickets $40 and $45.

Astonishing athletes defy gravity and execute breathtaking feats as they stretch the limits of human ability in the spellbinding New Shanghai Circus. CBS News calls the show "fantastic," and sold-out audiences marvel as they watch this talented troupe of fearless performers with boundless energy bring to life more than two thousand years of Chinese circus traditions. Shanghai's acrobats, jugglers and contortionists defy gravity and delight adults and children alike with spectacular flair and limitless imagination. Dazzling costumes, awe-inspiring sets and incredible choreography make Shanghai Circus an amazing experience for the whole family. Sponsored by the United Chinese Association of Florida, OCA-South Florida Chapter and the Florida Chinese Federation.Sunday, March 20, 2011 3 p.m. *Tickets $15, $25, $35

Then we have the Family Fun Series beginning with “If You Give A Cat A Cupcake.” First there was the Mouse - then the Pig - now, here comes the Cat! Based on the newest installment in the zany "If You Give A . . ." book series, Omaha Theater brings this madcap world premiere production with music to the stage. Saturday, January 15, 2011 at 11 a.m. *Tickets: $14.

Followed by “Jungle Book” -- Come along on an extraordinary musical adventure with Mowgli, the boy raised by wolves in the jungle. With the help of his friends--the bear Baloo, the panther Bagheera and the python Kaa--Mowgli learns to survive as they teach him about "Jungle Law." This wonderful adaptation of the Rudyard Kipling story will delight and amuse audiences of all ages! Saturday, February 19, 2011 11 a.m. *Tickets: $14.

And “Fancy Nancy and other Storybooks” features six delightful stories in Theatreworks USA's musical revue performed by a five-member cast who portray dozens of characters throughout the show. Saturday, April 16, 2011 at 11 a.m. *Tickets: $14. All Family Fun Performances Presented by The Broward Center for the Performing Arts. The books featured are:

FANCY NANCY - Nancy just doesn't understand why she's the only one who appreciated the value of frilly accessories and a prodigious vocabulary. It's time to teach her family how to be fancy!

BABYMOUSE, THE MUSICAL - Curtain up, light the lights! Will the irresistible, irrepressible Babymouse win the lead in the school musical or will Felicia Furrypaws steal the show?

DUCK FOR PRESIDENT - The winds of change are blowing, and a politically ambitious Duck is leading the revolution! But can he bring a new bill to Capitol Hill?

I HAVE TO GO! - Andrew insists that he doesn't need to use the restroom, but once he's zipped, snapped, buttoned, and buckled in the backseat, he hears the call of nature.

LEONARDO, THE TERRIBLE MONSTER - Though he isn't big and he can't seem to frighten anyone, Leonardo just knows he can scare the tuna salad out of the biggest scaredy-cat.

PIRATES DON'T CHANGE DIAPERS - When Jeremy Jacob's old seafaring mateys show up to claim a buried treasure, they wake up his little sister, and the whole piratical crew must go on.

Recently opened at the Ansin Family Art Gallery inside the Miramar Cultural Center is Pop Art in America: From the collection of the Museum of Art | Fort Lauderdale, Nova Southeastern University. This exhibition samples the work of the best known of American Pop artists. Pop art originated in the mid-20th century, and was rooted in the imagery of pop culture and advertising. Artists such as Andy Warhol, Robert Rauschenberg, James Rosenquist and Roy Lichtenstein embraced mass media, and often employed mechanical processes to create their work rather than those traditionally associated with fine art. The Ansin Family Art Gallery is open Monday, Wednesday & Friday 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.; Tuesday & Thursday 10 a.m.– 7 p.m. Donations are suggested.

The Miramar Cultural Center/ArtsPark is located at 2400 Civic Center Place, Miramar, FL 33025, on Red Road north of Miramar Parkway. If purchasing tickets in person at the Box Office, please note new Box Office hours: Tuesday - Saturday, Noon - 5 p.m. & two hours prior to showtime. Call 954-602-4500 or visit www.MiramarCulturalCenter.org. Group Sales 954-462-0222. *Box Office fees apply.

The Miramar Cultural Center ArtsPark, in partnership with the Broward Center for the Performing Arts, is a collaborative effort of many who share a fundamental commitment to the arts as essential to building a strong and vibrant community. The project is funded in part by Broward County through the Broward County Board of Commissioners with proceeds from 2000 Safe Parks & Land Preservation Bond. The Center also acknowledges the support of the State of Florida Department of State, Division of Cultural Affairs, the Florida Arts Council, and the National Endowment for the Arts.

I have heard this in many versions and still love it.

"If all of our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be
contented to take their own and depart." -- Socrates

Not all of our qualities are admirable. In fact, some embarrass us. There is nothing preventing us from developing more positive characteristics, but the inspiration to do so often wanes. It might be more reasonable to strengthen the good ones with more frequent use and learn to love the rest as evidence of our very human nature.

We are complex personalities. We have been years in development, and we aren't finished yet. Each day gives us opportunities to demonstrate a whole range of qualities. We can accept each personal trait that doesn't mean we have to love every aspect of what we say or do. Nor does it mean we should never try to change.

But taking our life, our behavior, more in stride will give us the heart to change what we can. I am both good and bad. If I want to accentuate my positive traits, it is up to me to practice them today.

From the book "A Woman's Spirit" by Karen Casey

"You can take from every experience what it has to offer you. And you cannot be defeated if you just keep taking one breath
followed by another." -- Oprah Winfrey

I am thankful for ...

the mess to clean up after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

the taxes I pay because it means that I am employed.

the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough.

my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.

all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.

my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.

the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear her.

the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.

the alarms that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I'm alive.

weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been productive.

Be thankful - not only at Thanksgiving, but every day.

The History of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is celebrated as a legal holiday on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States. It is a time to express one's thanks for good fortune throughout the year.

The first big Thanksgiving celebration, however, is said to have taken place in 1621 in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The Pilgrims and Indians feasted for three days to celebrate their rich harvest after suffering a severe winter following the Pilgrims' long, harsh journey to America on the Mayflower. The first Thanksgiving Proclamation was issued on June 20, 1676.

In 1789, George Washington proclaimed November 26th as Thanksgiving Day in honor of the adoption of the United States Constitution.

Through the efforts of Sarah Josepha Hale, the editor of Godey's Lady's Magazine in Boston, Thanksgiving became a national holiday observed on the same day every year. She proposed the fourth Thursday of November because November 26th, the day George Washington had originally selected, had been the fourth Thursday. In 1863, President Lincoln acted on Hale's suggestion and proclaimed the fourth Thursday of November as Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving has, since 1863, been celebrated on that day-with a few exceptions. In 1865, President Andrew Johnson changed Thanksgiving to the first Thursday in December. In 1869, President Ulysses S. Grant selected the third Thursday in November. In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt set November 23rd as Thanksgiving Day. In 1941, he proclaimed the fourth Thursday as Thanksgiving in all the states and U.S. possessions. We have continued to celebrate Thanksgiving on this day ever since.

Thanksgiving Day is associated with certain symbols and foods. Turkey is part of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Cranberries are also part of the dinner, probably because the Pilgrims had cranberries, which they found in bogs around Plymouth. The horn of plenty, or the "cornucopia," is a familiar Thanksgiving symbol. It is a symbol of earth's bounty, and reminds us how much of our food comes from the earth. Michael J. Eddleman