“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see.” -- John Burroughs, American naturalist and essayist important in the evolution of the U.S. conservation movement.

Humor

"Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place." Mark Twain-

Food Fetish

I love food. Always have. (And the only reason I don’t weight 400 pounds is that I have the occasional fetish of using food creatively.)

Although I live in South Florida and have since the early 1970s, my fondest food memories are from Brooklyn, New York, where I grew up. Lundy’s was my first restaurant memory -- eating lobster with my parents and LOVING it. I remember watching fisherman bring in their fresh catch of the day in Sheepshead Bay and my dad knowing exactly which restaurant to eat at to get the exact fish he choose. I remember eating a table away from Woody Allen in Chinatown during the Chinese New Year celebration. And at other times stopping at what seemed liked every street vendor in Little Italy. As an aspiring foodie in New York, even at that young age, I was as familiar with the meat packing district as I was with the garment district.

My childhood is filled with Sunday morning memories of fresh bagels and appetizing, which meant lox (not the wimpy Nova everyone eats today), chubs aka smoked whitefish, herring, bananas and sour cream, blintzes and knishes – served with mustard only. I remember stopping at the curb while my dad ran in and got us Nathan’s – apparently the only edible hot dog on the planet -- and those still-to-this-day awesome French fries.

For the first 12 years of my life, I remember visiting South Florida, where I live now, and eating freshly baked pecan rolls until I exploded at Patricia Murphy’s in Fort Lauderdale, which no longer exists.

Given my history, it’s no wonder I fetish food now. I will go anywhere and pay anything for good food. As a result of that early food education, today, in every city I visit, I research indigenous food. I spend weeks on it. Ask everyone I know. It kills me to have been somewhere and not tried or missed a specialty. I’m like a wannabe Calvin Trillin or novice Anthony Bourdain with much less culinary skill, education, ‘tude and mental agility.

I have files full of info on restaurants I want to visit, though, I confess, sometimes I don't even use, because when I’m in a city, aside from the Zagat-rated and well-publicized places, I rely on the locals to direct me well. If you know food in a city I may visit, I want to talk to you. In Chicago, I went with a native and ate very, very well. I still crave authentic Chicago-style deep dish pizza. In British Columbia, I had references from another foodie who’d just been and ate amazingly well. Toronto, same thing.

In Italy, Greece, Egypt and Turkey, well, we just asked around. It was the best three weeks of eating I have ever spent. When I returned home, I spent the next six months trying to duplicate what I’d eaten. And while most were at best facsimiles, I did create my own spaghetti carbonara that I actually like better than I was served. I have, however, never figured out the Doner kabobs in Turkey that were amazing. I still have no idea what they were, how they were made or what the hell they were drizzled with that turned me on so. And how did they puff up that pita bread? I did, however, become an expert at Bakalava. I ate it for three weeks straight. In every city we visited. Our fridge was loaded from top to bottom with Bakalava. It was so full, we had to sacrifice the wine. Yes I know sacrilege, stooping so low as to ice it down each night ‘cause there just wasn’t enough room for the food to keep it cold.

And still I’m not done. My New Year’s Eve is not complete until I have Sevruga Caviar and Champagne (yes with a capital C - French only) with crème fraiche, chopped egg and blinis. Every stone crab season has to include a trip to Joe’s on South Beach or I’m not happy. And I used to dread the end of oyster season until they were able to ship those luscious barnacles in year ‘round. I’m still on a journey to find the best chicken wing, which seems like a life-long pursuit. A couple of years ago I dragged my family totally out of the way from Toronto to Albany to eat at the original home of the chicken wing – the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY.

So after reading the above, I’m sure it’s no surprise that I also gravitate toward people who love good food. Not quantities thereof, but definite quality. I can talk nuances with the best of them. Though on a ski trip to the Dolomites at the Swiss/Italian border, I did mistake parmesan curls for truffles. Oops. No problem though. I was with foodies and they instantly set me straight. And after that minor debacle, we hit an Enoteca (wine bar) and dove into a wheel (gironde) of Tete du Moine (Swiss) cheese that I still scrape into (stinky) florettes and relish to this day with any Italian Red.

These days, I dream of having my own personal chef. Someone who can knock my socks off with his culinary expertise. Talk to me for hours about which taste mixes with another and why. What drink brings out the subtleties of which foods. And try to tantalize my taste buds into surrender. I’m not sure it’s possible, but I’m certainly up for the challenge.

Paths Are Not Found, But Made

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination. - John Schaar

"Things do not happen; things are made to happen." President John F. Kennedy

Randomness

I woke up thinking about how truly random life is. It’s a theme I discuss often, most recently with some of my SEAL consultants, though their concept of random has real live or die consequences. Mine is more of a fulfilled/unfulfilled, having fun or not kind of thing.

I believe I have randomly been assigned to the family I’m in. Though my psychic would say this was the family I chose. And I am at a place in my life that I want to amend. Though my therapist would say I am exactly where I want to be. Metaphysics—always the devil whispering in my ear! (Yes, I am aware of how kookie this all reads.)

But as I finish the last 10,000 words for SEAL Master, I’m thinking about happy endings and how people actually connect in real life. How much is intentional and how much is just random—right place/right time kind of stuff?

Given the randomness of life and the variables that go into making people, well…people, how do you go about finding your one true mate?

I believe the universe will provide. Set your sights on something, declare it to the world, work hard and focus. Ultimately you will get what you want. And if it is not exactly right, it will be a very close facsimile thereof. When I left Seattle for South Florida, making a major change in my life, I asked for three things. A job, of course, a guy into sports (my ex was an artist) and a lap top. Within a few months, I had a job at an online sports network surrounded by guys into sports and a lap top.

Is this a power I possess or really just how the world works?

So how do you explain those who know what they want but remain mateless? And better yet, how do you explain those who remain happy 20 years later, having met by sheer happenstance? “Oh we were on the same elevator, lived in the same apartment building, met on a plane,” etc.

And while I’m very into planning and thinking things through, I am not big on knowing all the answers in life. Sometimes I prefer to be surprised. It’s how I fall in love. How I have kids. Even how I chose to write after all these years.

I guess every now and again something extraordinary is supposed to happen. Think I’ll meditate on what I want today and watch how it manifests itself down the road. Let the fun begin!

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -- Raymond Chandler

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -- Raymond Chandler

Words that sound like music to my ears:
“Sorry about that. She didn’t know who you were.”

Unthinkable Thoughts

We must dare to think "unthinkable" thoughts. We must learn to explore all the options and possibilities that confront us in a complex and rapidly changing world. We must learn to welcome and not to fear the voices of dissent. We must dare to think about "unthinkable things" because when things become unthinkable, thinking stops and action becomes mindless. James W. Fulbright

Church vs. State

“I believe in a wall between church and state so high that no one can climb over it. When religion controls government, political liberty dies; and when government controls religion, religious liberty perishes.” Sen. Sam Ervin

Be Still

While I’ve been furiously working to create blocks of time to finish SEAL Master, I haven’t had much time to write on my blog for fun. I have been reading however, and here’s another through-provoking article posted by Leo Babauta at ZenHabits.net.

I’m posting this in response to an email I received a while back about the lack of leadership today because our youth do not know how to be self reflective. They do not know how to look inside and figure out who they are because they have grown up in the fast-paced world of technology where there is always a way to distract oneself from what’s going on inside your mind, body and soul, be it your Ipod, Twitter, Facebook, My Space, Email, Text Messaging, etc. The lines between work and play, meaning free time, have also been blurred, if they even still exist at all, which means if we are to be reflective, it is up to each of us to carve out that time.

As for me, I do yoga and meditate pretty regularly, but when that doesn’t work, I drink. Adult beverages and a pretty impressive amount or so I’m told for someone my size.

But for today, join me and carve out a moment to tune into what’s going on inside.

Listen to the world around you. Feel your breath coming in and going out. Listen to your thoughts. See the details of your surroundings. Be at peace with being still.

In this modern world, activity and movement are the default modes, if not with our bodies then at least with our minds, with our attention. We rush around all day, doing things, talking, emailing, sending and reading messages, clicking from browser tab to the next, one link to the next.

We are always on, always connected, always thinking, always talking. There is no time for stillness — and sitting in front of a frenetic computer all day, and then in front of the hyperactive television, doesn’t count as stillness. This comes at a cost: we lose that time for contemplation, for observing and listening. We lose peace.

And worse yet: all the rushing around is often counterproductive. I know, in our society action is all-important — inaction is seen as lazy and passive and unproductive. However, sometimes too much action is worse than no action at all. You can run around crazily, all sound and fury, but get nothing done. Or you can get a lot done — but nothing important. Or you can hurt things with your actions, make things worse than if you’d stayed still.

And when we are forced to be still — because we’re in line for something, or waiting at a doctor’s appointment, or on a bus or train — we often get antsy, and need to find something to do. Some of us will have our mobile devices, others will have a notebook or folder with things to do or read, others will fidget. Being still isn’t something we’re used to.

Take a moment to think about how you spend your days — at work, after work, getting ready for work, evenings and weekends. Are you constantly rushing around? Are you constantly reading and answering messages, checking on the news and the latest stream of information? Are you always trying to Get Lots of Things Done, ticking off tasks from your list like a machine, rushing through your schedule? Is this how you want to spend your life?

If so, peace be with you. If not, take a moment to be still. Don’t think about what you have to do, or what you’ve done already. Just be in the moment.

Then after a minute or two of doing that, contemplate your life, and how you’d like it to be. See your life with less movement, less doing, less rushing. See it with more stillness, more contemplation, more peace. Then be that vision.

It’s pretty simple, actually: all you have to do is sit still for a little bit each day. Once you’ve gotten used to that, try doing less each day. Breathe when you feel yourself moving too fast. Slow down. Be present. Find happiness now, in this moment, instead of waiting for it.

Savor the stillness. It’s a treasure, and it’s available to us, always.

—From the Tao Te Ching:
It is not wise to dash about.
Shortening the breath causes much stress.
Use too much energy and you will soon be exhausted.
That is not the Natural Way.
Whatever works against this Way will not last long.

Expect Things to Go Wrong

This came from Zenhabits.net Written by Leo Babauta, who I follow on Twitter.

I scanned it this morning and realized it was so good that I read it all and then had to share. Enjoy!

How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn’t doing their job, because your child isn’t behaving, because your partner or friend isn’t living up to his or her end of the bargain?

How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn’t do things the way you’re used to? Or when you’ve planned something carefully and things didn’t go as you’d hoped?

This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us — it’s part of the human experience.

One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don’t wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances — don’t we all?

And it isn’t always easy to find peace when you’ve become upset or irritated.

Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind: see the glass as already broken.

See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don’t go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.

And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.

One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong — they always do on a trip. I told them, “See it as part of the adventure.”

And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children’s Castle closed on Mondays … they said, “It’s part of the adventure!” And it was all OK — we didn’t get too bothered.

So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it’ll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks.

And when it breaks, you won’t be upset or sad — because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you’ll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.

Expect your child to mess up — all children do. And don’t get so upset when they mess up, when they don’t do what they’re “supposed” to do … because they’re supposed to mess up.

Expect your partner to be less than perfect.

Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.

Expect things to go not according to plan.

Expect people to be rude sometimes.

Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.

Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.

Expect the glass to break.

And accept it.

You won’t change these inevitable facts — they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen — even see it as already happening, before it happens — you won’t get so upset.

You won’t overreact. You’ll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won’t get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.

You’ll smile, and think, “I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that.”

You’ll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise.

Patience is not one of the heavenly virtues I possess. Come to think of it neither is chastity or temperance. Maybe I’ll do better on the seven deadly sins list.

The 45 Lessons Life Taugh Me

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.” Regina Brett, 90 years old of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.


25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."