I’ve been exploring the nuances of dominant and submissive behavior for my book SEAL Master. As usual with my books, both characters, hero and heroine, are strong-willed people, successful in their careers, but who lack the same level of skill and success in their love life.
In order to rectify the fact that she dominates every man who’s passed through her life, the heroine decides she’s just too powerful for most men and, in an effort to become “more female,” meaning docile and passive, she seeks to give up control by becoming a submissive. But truly, it’s just not in her. She writes her own erotic storylines…of being submissive, directs the sexy “play,” and even attempts to orchestrate every session. She’s just too competent and accomplished at being in control.
When she meets the hero, a Navy SEAL, who true to his Alpha status, dominates everyone who crosses his path at will, she finally begins to think it just might be possible to get her wish. As he begins to impose his will upon her, she realizes two things: while she desperately wants to be taken, to give up control and get out of her head, no one can take away her power unless she decides to give it away.
As they jockey for position, alternatingly giving and taking in a sexy romance, ultimately they find that although they go about it differently, they’re both formidable humans, equal and perfect for each other.
Given this theme, I’ve been doing a lot of research, both online, in books and in real life interviewing real people. What I found I thought was both fascinating and revealing not only about how to write the characters, but about me. I don’t remember where I found these. I think it was a Psychology Today blog. I apologize for not attributing it correctly, but here it is.
“In the context of a balanced relationship, submissive is not subservient. Intelligent women understand the overwhelming power of their natural instincts and that the most effective way of expressing these instincts is to give herself and those around her pleasure.”
“If submissive fantasies reflect a passionate exchange with a powerful, resource-holding and attentive suitor, then through him the dominant woman could reinforce her high standing in a group and her favorable opinion of herself.”
So basically, once again, it’s all about me. Amazing, how often that happens.
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