Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Upekkha
Upekkha, the practice of loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity, acknowledges that most of life is beyond our control.
It’s a karmic flowering of causes and conditions larger than ourselves.
We all churn through a full range of human experience: pain and pleasure, praise and blame, gain and loss.
Let go of attachment to things begin a certain way for ourselves and others, even as paradoxically, we continue to strive for the best.
Upkkha is a spacious stillness of the mind, a radiant calm that allows us to be present fully with all the different changing experience that constitute our world and our lives.
It’s a karmic flowering of causes and conditions larger than ourselves.
We all churn through a full range of human experience: pain and pleasure, praise and blame, gain and loss.
Let go of attachment to things begin a certain way for ourselves and others, even as paradoxically, we continue to strive for the best.
Upkkha is a spacious stillness of the mind, a radiant calm that allows us to be present fully with all the different changing experience that constitute our world and our lives.
Routines
The last 24 hours have been eye-opening. When change occurs it not only affects the one seeking it, but all the interrelated people involved with that one person, seeking alternatives. That’s why change is so hard to accomplish. Sometimes there are so many people involved, just trying to get from point A to point B can be arduous and feel like you’re pushing a slow-moving train.
What’s interesting to me about my last 24 hours is the result. We came full circle - only better, tighter, closer. Grievances were aired, feelings acknowledged and validated, pain averted, pleasure experienced.
While reviewing what transpired, what stands out in my mind, is just how fast routines develop and how after they’ve developed they sort of become habits that can be hard to break, but then once broken, simply turn into memories. Some habits or routines, despite the pleasure they provide, like the typical vices, are good to let go of and those memories are easy to erase. Other habits like talking to a friend who is no longer there are harder to let go of. Tears may be shed and time may be needed to aid in the repair. Sometimes new habits need to be created to replace the old ones so progress can be made.
But we’re all human and resiliency is one of the characteristics we possess that allow us to adapt to new environments or situations and continue on. Some need help and seek faith, others a crutch. Me? I’m just stubborn. I’ll just grit my teeth and bear it. Think and then envision my way through it. The years have taught me self assuredness via the unmitigated knowledge that no matter happens, the sun will come up tomorrow and life goes on. Whatever sucks today, will look different in the light of another day. This is what works for me.
What’s interesting to me about my last 24 hours is the result. We came full circle - only better, tighter, closer. Grievances were aired, feelings acknowledged and validated, pain averted, pleasure experienced.
While reviewing what transpired, what stands out in my mind, is just how fast routines develop and how after they’ve developed they sort of become habits that can be hard to break, but then once broken, simply turn into memories. Some habits or routines, despite the pleasure they provide, like the typical vices, are good to let go of and those memories are easy to erase. Other habits like talking to a friend who is no longer there are harder to let go of. Tears may be shed and time may be needed to aid in the repair. Sometimes new habits need to be created to replace the old ones so progress can be made.
But we’re all human and resiliency is one of the characteristics we possess that allow us to adapt to new environments or situations and continue on. Some need help and seek faith, others a crutch. Me? I’m just stubborn. I’ll just grit my teeth and bear it. Think and then envision my way through it. The years have taught me self assuredness via the unmitigated knowledge that no matter happens, the sun will come up tomorrow and life goes on. Whatever sucks today, will look different in the light of another day. This is what works for me.
Philosophy
As a human being, you have no choice about the fact that you need a philosophy. Your only choice is whether you define your philosophy by a conscious, rational, disciplined process of thought and scrupulously logical deliberation - or let your subconscious accumulate a junk heap of unwarranted conclusions, false generalizations, undefined contradictions, undigested slogans, unidentified wishes, doubts and fears, thrown together by chance, but integrated by your subconscious into a kind of mongrel philosophy and fused into a single, solid weight: self-doubt, like a ball and chain in the place where your mind's wings should have grown." Ayn Rand, 1982
I received this quote arbitrarily a few days ago while I was reading and digesting some materials and thought it was pertinent.
Life gives us so much self-responsibility. We can choose to think our own thoughts, make our own philosophy, live our own life the way we choose or we can simply follow the flock and wonder when it’s all over what it was we were doing.
While I find this introspection sometimes daunting, I find it equally liberating simply to have to ponder the questions.
I received this quote arbitrarily a few days ago while I was reading and digesting some materials and thought it was pertinent.
Life gives us so much self-responsibility. We can choose to think our own thoughts, make our own philosophy, live our own life the way we choose or we can simply follow the flock and wonder when it’s all over what it was we were doing.
While I find this introspection sometimes daunting, I find it equally liberating simply to have to ponder the questions.
Misery Loves Company
My son told me the other day that he thinks I enjoy other people’s misery. No, I told him, that’s not true, but what he was referring to was that I believe in the saying misery loves company, which brings me to today’s blog.
That saying can be used either way. That someone who’s miserable can bring the rest of those around him or her down to be miserable so that s/he is not alone or that s/he who is miserable can take solace in someone else’s misery so as not to feel isolated. The latter is where I’m coming from. Though for me, it’s humor not solace that I give and get.
For instance if a friend calls me up and tells me something bad happened to her, my retort is to the tell her something bad that happened to me. We laugh and it’s over. We’re both miserable, but because we shared and laughed about it, we can move on and not let it get us down.
I call marriage the misery club. Now I know there are happy marriages. I don’t know any personally, but I know they exist. I’m married, multiple times. Obviously I know from where I speak. There are a host of reasons my marriages failed, mainly centered around me and my oddities or lack thereof. But, regardless, I find this topic incredible fodder and enjoy delving into to every chance I get.
As far as marriage and misery are concerned, I used to think the grass is always greener on the other side, but the truth is you never know what goes on behind closed doors. (Had enough aphorisms?) I used to look at other people’s marriages and think how idyllic or how awful. Sometimes I could see why they worked. Other times I’d wonder how could she stay with him after he did fill in the blank? Or think God, what does he see in her? She must have a golden mutzia. (That’s a very bad phonetic spelling of a Yiddish word for vagina as told to me by an old Aunt who has since passed away and can’t verify if it’s even a real word.) But as I’ve gotten older, I realize it’s all about what we’re willing to tolerate and what we put as the priorities. If one’s relationship is primary, then that person forgives and overlooks a lot as the need arises. If one’s need is financial, then s/he cow tows to the breadwinner. If it’s sex or beauty that’s important, then s/he works out, eats well, gets hair plugs or a boob job.
How does this all relate to writing romance novels? I find other people’s eccentricities comforting. Interesting, fascinating and comforting. I thrive on knowing that someone would only eat a sandwich if it’s cut diagonally. That the only way they drink root beer is lukewarm. That a falafel is mealy. That pink pumps turn you on. That toothpaste left dried around your mouth makes you dry heave.
It’s what I use to create characters. The more absurdities, oddities, fetishes, the better.
That saying can be used either way. That someone who’s miserable can bring the rest of those around him or her down to be miserable so that s/he is not alone or that s/he who is miserable can take solace in someone else’s misery so as not to feel isolated. The latter is where I’m coming from. Though for me, it’s humor not solace that I give and get.
For instance if a friend calls me up and tells me something bad happened to her, my retort is to the tell her something bad that happened to me. We laugh and it’s over. We’re both miserable, but because we shared and laughed about it, we can move on and not let it get us down.
I call marriage the misery club. Now I know there are happy marriages. I don’t know any personally, but I know they exist. I’m married, multiple times. Obviously I know from where I speak. There are a host of reasons my marriages failed, mainly centered around me and my oddities or lack thereof. But, regardless, I find this topic incredible fodder and enjoy delving into to every chance I get.
As far as marriage and misery are concerned, I used to think the grass is always greener on the other side, but the truth is you never know what goes on behind closed doors. (Had enough aphorisms?) I used to look at other people’s marriages and think how idyllic or how awful. Sometimes I could see why they worked. Other times I’d wonder how could she stay with him after he did fill in the blank? Or think God, what does he see in her? She must have a golden mutzia. (That’s a very bad phonetic spelling of a Yiddish word for vagina as told to me by an old Aunt who has since passed away and can’t verify if it’s even a real word.) But as I’ve gotten older, I realize it’s all about what we’re willing to tolerate and what we put as the priorities. If one’s relationship is primary, then that person forgives and overlooks a lot as the need arises. If one’s need is financial, then s/he cow tows to the breadwinner. If it’s sex or beauty that’s important, then s/he works out, eats well, gets hair plugs or a boob job.
How does this all relate to writing romance novels? I find other people’s eccentricities comforting. Interesting, fascinating and comforting. I thrive on knowing that someone would only eat a sandwich if it’s cut diagonally. That the only way they drink root beer is lukewarm. That a falafel is mealy. That pink pumps turn you on. That toothpaste left dried around your mouth makes you dry heave.
It’s what I use to create characters. The more absurdities, oddities, fetishes, the better.
Leap of Faith
This morning I mistakenly shut off the outdoor lights, one of which streams into my living room and illuminates enough of my house that even in the darkest of nights I can see. So there I was left to navigate through my house in the pitch black as if I were suddenly blind.
I could have turned on the lights again, but I was going upstairs and figured why bother, save the electricity and do my small part to save the planet.
What I was left with then, was to take a leap of faith. Walk up the stairs by feel (with a glass of juice in one hand and a cup of decaf in the other) running my arms against the railing and my feet feeling for each step before the landing. Once at the top I had to find my way to my office. I knew in front of me was a giant low train table that if I plowed into would hurt, so cautiously I stepped toward it bumped instead of plowed into and slid on by, making it injury free to write this.
And I realized life is a journey that sometimes requires a leap of faith.
I could have turned on the lights again, but I was going upstairs and figured why bother, save the electricity and do my small part to save the planet.
What I was left with then, was to take a leap of faith. Walk up the stairs by feel (with a glass of juice in one hand and a cup of decaf in the other) running my arms against the railing and my feet feeling for each step before the landing. Once at the top I had to find my way to my office. I knew in front of me was a giant low train table that if I plowed into would hurt, so cautiously I stepped toward it bumped instead of plowed into and slid on by, making it injury free to write this.
And I realized life is a journey that sometimes requires a leap of faith.
Nine Words Women Use
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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